Great Capture Bin Laden Jokes from Late Night

"The news of bin Laden's death interrupted this week's episode of 'Celebrity Apprentice.' Which begs the question, how do we kill bin Laden again next Sunday?" –Conan O'Brien

"The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they've granted President Obama full citizenship." –David Letterman

"Last night the Dalai Lama implied that the killing of Osama bin Laden was justified. I think his exact quote was, "I love all living things, but that guy was a dick." -Conan O'Brien

"Osama bin Laden is in the ocean. How ironic. Once again surrounded by seals." –Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden had money and telephone numbers sewn into his clothes. Apparently we got him just as he was on his way to summer camp." -Jay Leno

"After all the talk about caves, bin Laden was hiding in a million-dollar mansion in Pakistan. The CIA became suspicious when they learned there was a million-dollar mansion in Pakistan." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Osama bin Laden's death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, 'President Obama saves the world.' Stations on the right are going, 'Obama kills fellow Muslim.'" –Craig Ferguson

"How about those Navy Seals. We're getting our money's worth there. They broke into Osama bin Laden's compound with 12-foot walls topped by barbed wire, and fired a warning shot into his head." –David Letterman

"Elisabeth Hasselbeck of 'The View' is writing a children's book about Osama bin Laden's death. She wants to write a book to explain the whole thing to children. No title yet, but I have some suggestions: 'The Cat in the Fatwa,' 'Horton hears a Helicopter,' 'Goodnight, Douche'" –Craig Ferguson

"Apparently, members of Al Qaeda are online slamming the U.S. I don't understand why they're so upset. Everyone in Al Qaeda just got a promotion." –Craig Ferguson

"There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans." –David Letterman

"The hot new drink around the country is the bin Laden. It's a Colt 45 and a shot that goes right to your head." –Jay Leno

"Bin Laden was buried at sea. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, 'the ultimate waterboarding.'" –Jay Leno

"The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they’re doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates." –Conan O'Brien

"What?! Not only did we kill Bin Laden, we killed him in Abottabad! Abottabad sounds like name most New Yorkers would have invented for the fictional place they would have loved to kill Bin Laden." –Jon Stewart

"He was living a half a mile from Pakistan's version of West Point in a town surrounded by retired ex-military officers. Let me put it in New York City terms. Bin Laden was on 21st and Seventh Avenue; they were on 21st and Ninth Avenue. If the Pakistani military academy were Domino's, they would have been delivered to bin Laden on foot." –Jon Stewart

"Osama bin Laden, as we speak, is living with Spongebob in a pineapple under the sea." –Jimmy Kimmel

"He's up to 2,000 friends on Shot In The Facebook." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy Seals yesterday. They did DNA testing to make sure it was Bin Laden. Or as I call it, best episode of Maury Povich EVER." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama gave the order for Navy SEALs to kill bin Laden. When President Bush heard about it, he was really upset, saying, 'I could have used seals?'" –Conan O'Brien

“By the way, 'buried at sea'? means 'dumped in the ocean.' That’s what they did with him. They dumped him in the ocean. Now I won't feel so guilty about peeing in the water anymore when I go to the beach."? –Jimmy Kimmel

"And so, Osama Bin Laden got his first bath in almost ten years. This could the best shark week ever." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Finding bin Laden was like finding a needle in a country that swore it didn’t have needles." –Stephen Colbert

"I think the next election just got a lot easier for President Obama 'cause his response to every question during the debates will be: 'Wait, I forget…Did you kill Osama Bin Laden? Or did I kill Osama Bin Laden. Oh no, it was me, wasn't it?'" –Craig Ferguson

"President Obama announced that Osama bin Laden has been killed in Pakistan. That's right, bin Laden is dead — just like the Republicans' chances in 2012." –Jimmy Fallon

"It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: 'Yes I Did.'" –Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden was apparently shot twice in the face. It looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved." –Jay Leno

"Oddly enough, bin Laden's last words were, 'I hope you at least use this to interrupt 'Celebrity Apprentice.'' –Jimmy Fallon

"Osama bin Laden is dead, which means the No. 1 threat to America is now the KFC Double Down." –Conan O'Brien

"Bin Laden was living in a house with no Internet access, which explains why there were all those bin Laden sightings at the Islamabad Kinko's." –Conan O'Brien

"Osama bin Laden was killed by U.S. forces. Everyone on TV has been really happy. Glenn Beck was crying — and then he found out about Osama." –Craig Ferguson

"Looking for Bin Laden was like a 10-year game of Where’s Waldo. Only better because when you finally find Waldo you get to storm his compound and put a cap in his ass." –Craig Ferguson

"President Obama must be very happy because he finally took down his arch enemy: Donald Trump. The bin Laden announcement interrupted 'Celebrity Apprentice.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Bin Laden lived in this compound in Pakistan with all of his wives for 6 years. So he did suffer." –David Letterman

"I would like us to kill bin Laden every Sunday night. It makes for a much brighter start to the week." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Jacob and Isabella are the most popular baby names in the U.S. The least popular baby name: Donald Sheen bin Laden." –Jimmy Fallon

This is a Great Idea…

I think donations to candidates running for public office should be tax deductible. I also think the limit should be $50 per candidate per person. I also think each person should have a limit of $200 per year.

I also think local candidates should have a higher limit, as they are more important to each person’s daily lives.

I also think there should be free media for all candidates that have over 2% of the polling or at least enough signatures. There has to be a fix!

If you live in Virginia, like me, you should realize there is a Political Contributions Credit.

When you file Virginia Tax Returns, a Political Contributions Credit is available to individuals who make contributions to candidates for state or local political office. The credit is 50% of the amount of the contribution, subject to a $25 limit for individuals and a $50 limit for married taxpayers filing jointly. Remember, every little bit counts! This is not for Federal Tax Returns though.

We are getting there; we need many more controls on all the money being spent by politicians.

The Clinton Whitehouse...

I love this photo from the early days of the Clinton Whitehouse. You can tell these guys are working as a team and are all pumped up about fixing the world.

What a great time, too bad Dryver and Stryde never got to experience the great times of the 90's under President Clinton. Maybe they will be able to experience the late 2000's under President Clinton? We can only hope!

 

Earned vs. Paid Media in Politics

While the average person might blanch at being featured in the newspapers or on the local news station, political campaigns often burn the midnight oil trying to orchestrate newsworthy events that will get the media to pay attention to their candidate.  All publicity isn’t created equal for political candidates; damaging news stories have sunk many a political campaign, and it’s rare that a political candidate is completely satisfied with media coverage, no matter how flattering it is.

Still, getting positive (or at least objective) coverage from the media is a net plus for any political campaign, although most new candidates overestimate both the value media coverage and the amount of coverage that they should expect over the course of a campaign.

Here’s a quick disclaimer before we go any further: you can rarely win a political campaign on media coverage alone. It’s fine to attach yourself to an important issue that gets your name in the papers on a semi-regular basis, but if you don’t put in the work that a successful campaign requires, you could still be a high-profile loser on election day.

Having said that, a political campaign needs to differentiate between two different types of media coverage that are important to publicizing a candidate: earned media (or free media) and paid media (or bought media).

Earned media is the best kind of campaign coverage to get, since you don’t have to pay for it.  When a newspaper, website or television news channel mentions your campaign in a legitimate news story, this is earned media.  Most political campaigns are guaranteed to get at least two earned media stories over the course of the election season: when the candidate files to run for office, and on election day when he wins or loses.

Whether or not you get more earned media coverage than that is completely up to you and the amount of work and innovation you try to bring to your campaign.  In order to get earned media coverage, you need to make it easy for the media to write stories about your campaign. That means generating interesting news and campaign events, and sending out regular press releases to local media.

Getting earned media coverage is more difficult than you might think, and you’re sure to get frustrated when the local media decides not to cover a campaign event that you put lots of time and effort into.  A media organization can’t risk seeming too partial to a specific candidate, and won’t usually mention local candidates more than a few times over the course of election season.  Still, you should do your part to encourage earned media coverage by making sure you notify every local media outlet whenever your campaign hits an important milestone or schedules a newsworthy event.

Paid media has its place in a successful political campaign plan, as well.  Newspaper ads and television commercials are examples of paid media: getting a candidate’s name, face and message into a local media outlet by purchasing air time or ad space.  Since the average candidate can’t count on a media organization to publish a slew of free stories about them, this is a viable–albeit expensive–alternative to earned media.

Whether or not your campaign should invest money into paid media is up to you.  Generally, I’ve found that newspaper ads and television commercials just aren’t as effective as direct mail. While direct mail campaigns can be laser-focused on specific groups of registered voters, you’re usually paying for a lot of wasted coverage with newspaper and TV ads.  The vast majority of people who see your ad in a newspaper or on television probably won’t even vote on election day.

Still, if you’ve done a good job on the fundraising front and you’ve already financed a broad direct mail campaign, adding some newspaper and television spots to the mix might be a good idea.  Especially in larger statewide and congressional races, television can be an effective way to get your message out to a larger audience.  Local candidates, however, should think twice before blowing most of their bank account on a few television commercials, and instead focus on mail and earned media.

What Goes Around....

When you tell your flavor of wacko that they should feel hatred towards the opposing side then don't act all surprised when someone actually takes you up on your offer...

The problem is that people like Palin work everyone up telling the country that Obama pals around with terrorists, and that he's intentionally trying to erode the country, and THEN they put targets on him. They do this for the real Americans; the ones that know that no one should stand between them and their guns.

Of course she didn't mean to go kill politicians, and of course people use those terms every day. But put it into perspective. If you stoke a fire and stoke a fire, eventually throwing in a single firecracker can blow someone's finger off.

Common Sense

Barack Obama:
Honors graduate, Columbia
President, Harvard Law Review
Senior Lecturer in Constitutional Law, University of Chicago
Savvy community organizer in some of Chicago's worst areas
Illinois State Senator
United States Senator from Illinois
President of the United States
Winner of the Nobel Peace Prize
Father of two intelligent, well adjusted girls

Sarah Palin:
Runner-up beauty contestant
Dropped out of at least five colleges
Academic record uncertain
Mayor of a town of 900
Tried to ban books at town library
Governor of least populous state; resigned after one-half of one term amid ethics investigations
Took advantage of Federal monies
Husband member of secession movement
Losing Vice Presidential candidate; partly responsible for sinking campaign
Failed mother of dysfunctional and sometimes-criminal children

Political Comic of the Week...

It's so much easier to spout hate filled nonsense about liberals and gays than it is to read and actually find out the facts behind the events.

People say comments like that ALL the time....its amazing how wrong people are, but none of them realize it because they don't always have that friend to correct them...

...and by people I mean republicans ;)

Many Reasons...

Here are 10 great reasons we should not be in Iraq...












Here is the million reasons we should be there...

Red Light Camera

I was sitting on the people mover at San Francisco airport and happen to overhear two business guys talking. The one guy was talking about how he had been pulling out of the gas station on the way to the airport and the Red Light Camera flashed in his back mirror. He admitted that he had run the red light and that he had not really paid attention to the light, since he was in a hurry to the airport.

His buddy started to get pissed off since he realized that the rental car he had was in his name and he figured he was going to get the ticket and would have to come back to San Francisco to go to court. The driver guy smirked and said that he probably would be the one that got into trouble since his face was in the camera, though he earlier had said that the camera took a shot of the back of the car.

Anyway, they went on to talk about how they could get out of this ticket. The one guy came up with this brilliant idea that they could say the rental car they had was already returned much earlier in the day and it must have been someone else that had rented the car. They also suggested they should go to Hertz and see if they could get a post dated receipt that showed they had returned the car many hours earlier.

They worked many schemes, including one idea that the car had been stolen and that they had no idea who might have been driving it. The best idea I heard was they had been dropped off by the rental car company at the airport 'We Pick You Up', and that it was one of the rental car employees that must have been driving through the red-light.

I found it amusing, but it does make you realize that most people will do anything they can to get out of paying a ticket or paying taxes. It seems that many people would rather pay a lot more money or go way out of their way rather than just pay the fines or taxes that they owe. I think this mentality is a major problem and groups like the Tea Party are dangerous.

I am sure at the end of the day these guys will just pay the fine, they actually seemed like pretty smart business guys, but it was interesting to hear their ideas and all the crazy concepts they were working through.

It actually does make you understand why judges and police officers don't trust anyone.

Drill Drill Drill!!!

Another sad view of McCain's plan to solve for all the problems in the world. You could make this same graph for the economy and the foreign relations.

The worst part of the drill drill drill strategy is it doesn't solve much at all. Obama suggested a solution to reduce the overall consuption by doing simple things like inflating tires and better energy management, and of course the McCain machine mocked his ideas.

Souce of the graphic is ecoGreek blog (check it out!)

The best comment on the original posting.... Despite the harsh reality of the problems we face in the future and the direness of our current situation all I can think of right now is "that would make an awesome t-shirt design". The internet has corrupted me. - written by Karl , September 15, 2008

Daily Reminder

These kinds of speeches are daily reminders to me why I voted for President Obama and support him as the greatest president since Clinton, if not Kennedy!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Cashing Checks...

I was cashing a check this weekend and realized the amount of time it was taking the teller to count and recount the cash was primarily the reason for the long lines at the bank. How can you blame them, they are dealing in cash and if they lose count or miss one number it could end their career.

The gal behind the teller booth counted out all the twenties and then stacked them up and recounted them again. She even used the automated bill counter to check the numbers one last time. On average the teller would take about 20 seconds or so to count about $1,000 in cash. This would then be doubled when she counted it again (though the second time took a fraction of the time, usually another 7-10 seconds at best).

I started to think about the big checks the government uses to operate the day to day. What if you had to cash one of these checks? For example, the photo below is an actual check that was sent to Morgan Stanley when the banks were failing to help them from going under. This is a check for nine-billion dollars.

According to Andrew Ross Sorkin's website - 'Morgan Stanley received a $9 billion investment from Mitsubishi UFJ in the fall of 2008 that kept the firm from collapsing. The payment was supposed to be wired electronically, but because it needed to be made on an emergency basis on a holiday, Mitsubishi cut a physical check, perhaps the largest ever written.'

If Morgan Stanley decided to cash this big ass check, the teller would still be counting. How much time would it take? Assuming the teller worked every day the bank was open, and would work on average an 8-hour day (with only one break and a lunch), the counting would go another 4 years.

To count and check $10K would on average take about 4-5 minutes, with checking and re-checking. Now check out the teller that is cashing the $9,000,000,000.00 check... This would be:

• Start with: $9,000,000,000.00 total check
• Spend 4-5 minutes per $10,000.00 in cash
• Estimate about 75,000 hours to count the $9,000,000,000 cash

Then you have a teller working about 22 days per month (with weekends and holidays), working on average 8-hours per day, they are going to be able to count about $20MM per month, which means the full 9,000,000,000.00 would take about 38 years.

The teller counting and cashing this check would be finished with cashing the check by November 20th, 2046, though the teller would probably be around 65 or older, assuming he/she was about 30 years old at the time the guy cashing the check showed up.

Now imagine how long it would take to cash the check on the two stimulus checks, which I think is somewhere around 40,000 years to cash out.

Searching for the Truth...

Why Mr. Moore is a Great Man!

OpenCarry.org is my new favorite group!

I am not a big guy carrying guy, and have a tendency to be on the liberal side (though I do believe people have rights to own guns to protect themselves), but I always am a supporter of those with common sense. What I saw today from OpenCarry.org really made me a big fan of their leadership.

OpenCarry.org endorsed Brian Moran for Governor in the Democratic Party Primary, coming up this Tuesday. This is probably not a big endorsement for Brian (he already has hundreds of endorsements), but there was something interesting about this endorsement that I have not seen in others. OpenCarry.org not only detailed why they selected Brian (which you can read at the endorsement page) but they also took the time to think through the endorsement and provide insights.

There are so many times you read an endorsement where the leadership of the organization that is doing the endorsement doesn't provide any detail behind their decision, and it is usually unclear on why they selected a candidate or not.

There are many classic cases of this in our home town of Alexandria.

I hope every Democratic voter in Alexandria does the research to decide on the best candidate this Tuesday. It isn't about just who spent the most on TV, but it is about the person that is going to do the best work for us, and who is the most dedicated to Virginia, and the children that live here.

In case you don't want to read the whole endorsement by OpenCarry.org, check out their statement on why they didn't support Terry McAuliffe...

The group calls McAuliffe...

"Terry McAuliffe is a man who is backed heavily by out of state money and interests and probably does not even know where the General Assembly Building is in Richmond."

What A Day...

I am proud of my state of Virginia! I am proud of my city of Alexandria! I am proud of my country!

Obama won Virginia by almost 200,000 votes, and carried 52% of the vote in a state that has been voting Republican for 50+ years.... My home city of Alexandria voted for Obama with 72% of the vote. My last calculation has Alexandria City turn out being around 90%!

The Winners Are...

This is really a funny Photo Shop job on Dancing With the Politicians! I wish this show really was on tv, it would be a great show to watch! Imagine McCain dancing with his old biddy wife.

Hit'em Back!

This is really good. This family had their Obama sign stolen from their front yard, as did many in the neighborhood. There have been reports of signs being taken, but mostly because people wanted them for their own yard.

But in this case, the sign theif was a McPalin supporter, because they also spray painted many of the other Obama signs in the neighborhood.

To retailiate against this idiot (not sure if they are an idiot for stealing a sign at 2am or for supporting McCain) they put up their own sign. This is really great!

A quote from their blog:

Someone stole our Obama for President sign from our yard last night. They stole nearly all the Obama signs in our neighborhood. The ones they didn't take they spray-painted black. So I made this sign today and staked it in the yard. I fully expect it to be trashed by morning. At least they know the result of their pranks: we give more money to Obama's campaign.

The Real America

This video really amazing to watch, knowing there are many more like it that didn't make their way to YouTube. The McCain campaign is really headed down a slippery slope, and they need to put a stop to it (which Senator McCain is trying to do in this video.) The problem is there are so many people that support an Anti-Obama ticket, which happens to be McCain. When I think about it this could have been almost anyone (even David Duke?), and actually think that you could put almost any candidate in McCain's chair and they would have automatically 30-40% of the vote.

Why do I say this? Because our country is still back-assward. We are a bunch of terrified people that live in the middle of the country and are scared as hell of change and anything (emphasis on anything) different. For good or bad, our country has a bunch of people that have never experienced much outside of their 20 mile radius of their home town.

The charm of America is a boy growing up in a small town in Middle America, working for his dad in the hardware store when he gets older, and then marrying Susie Jane and having 3 kids and a dog and taking over dad's store. Actually, this is the picture that Palin is trying to draw. Of course it is more like a divorced family, with a step-dad that beats his son for not cleaning his room. He was laid off from the local manufacturer because his job was sent to Mexico, and is working at the local Bennigan's, which is ironic because it is to help his son pay for him to go out with his friends at the mall on the weekends. His son is on a handful of drugs, including trying heroin and meth. The 16-year old daughter is pregnant, and the dog craps on the neighbors yard every morning.

Anyway, I think this video is really scary. These people at the McCain rallies are getting more and more vocal and yelling out really nutty things. It is a sign of panic (off with his head one guy yells out) and we all know it is because Obama is black. That's it, it isn't any more complicated or any more simple, he is a black man and is damn scary to all of these folks that really were brought up to be wary (aka hate) black people.

If you watch this video, and interject in everything each person is saying 'he is black' you get the real story. The guy that says 'We are scared of Obama...' just add in 'because he is black' and you have the full picture.

These vocal folks are just the tip of the iceberg and I am getting really nervous that we are headed to a really tense situation in our country. There is hatred in what these people are saying. There is real deep down fear in what these people are saying. If you mix fear and hatred, and maybe a six-pack of beer, you have a real problem.



I love Obama. I have never been so excited about a candidate for president in my life. I did love, and will continue to love William J. Clinton, but Obama is another man and another leader. He can do amazing things for our country, and will make sure my kids have the life that I had, if not better.

Watch this video and tell me if I am being overly sensitive, or if we are really in for a real test of America and what we are, and what we strive to be!

Palin is a Big Fat Liar...

Palin is being investigated for her decision to fire police commissioner Walt Monegan. It is alleged she fired him because he refused to fire a state trooper who was divorced from her sister.

At a press conference called to contend the allegations, Palin said she fired him because of incompetence. But two weeks before, she said the exact opposite when telling the media she had offered him a job because of his competence.

The core issue for the firing was his lack of experience in alcohol control, but in fact she offered him a job as Director of the Alcohol Beverage Control Board which shows that she clearly does not think he is weak at rural alcohol abuse and bootlegging issues.

This video actually is pretty interesting as it shows she changes her story within weeks, and the first clip is before the personal problems had begun. So far, the national media apparently has not discovered this video, as it has not been reported on by a major news organization.



It goes to the heart of the Troopergate scandal because it shows Palin is not being honest about why she fired Monegan.